Working in IT can be a tough enough job, but having to fix the WiFi connection in the Slytherin common room AGAIN because some overly-emotional first year when all sectumsempra on the routers can make the job even more challenging. Finally, Tumblr user The Setup Wizard is giving a voice to the nameless hero of Hogwarts, the IT department. And, since most wizards are generally befuddled by the inner-workings of Muggle technology, Hogwarts made the smart move of hiring a Muggle, called Jonathan Dart, to head up IT:
Hello, my name is Jonathan Dart and, as of today, I am officially the IT guy at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry.
You read that correctly. It took them until 2016, but both students and staff alike have finally caved and demanded that their cell phones work on school grounds, and with that request they had to find a “muggle” (a term I’m quickly learning to detest) to install wifi and maintain any technology that functions on school grounds.
The Tumblr is set up as a diary/advice blog because, as Jonathan says, “other magical schools are planning on making the same jump” to hiring a Muggle IT department. As much as we all love to talk about how badly we’d like to travel to Hogwarts and become a student there, you’ve got to admit that moving into Hogwarts from the Muggle world like Harry or Hermoine did would be quite the culture shock. Of course, there are also other little aspects of life in the wizarding world that we might not have thought of, like the Three Broomsticks not accepting debit cards, or the Room of Requirement mucking things up while he tried to set up a server room:
Second day on the job and I was given the entirety of it to take a look around and come up with some possible locations for where to set things up. After wandering around the left corridor on the seventh floor for a few laps I noticed a door left slightly ajar. Lo and behold, to my complete shock, inside was a fully functional server room. Delighted, I found the information for the wifi running out of its routers and took a trip around the castle to test the signal strength. This was going great until the signal went dead about a half hour later.
I returned to find my server room still intact and once again functional. I did my rounds again only to have the same thing happen.
Turns out the damn room is magical (of course it is) and was only acting as a server room because that’s what I desperately needed it to be. This is great until some kid walks past who desperately needs a toilet and POOF my servers disappear, the signal goes down, and a john takes their place.
Back to the drawing board.
Of course, Jonathan is still hammering out the rough patches of introducing Muggle technology to an ancient wizarding school, encouraging students to text him when they have an issue rather than send an owl, and attempting to gain access to the Slytherin common room and set up functioning WiFi beneath a lake, and dealing with the student pranks. Of course, it didn’t take long for the students to realize that, though Jonathan is but a Muggle, he possesses a power far greater than any Dark Lord could have ever hoped to wield:
It took all of 2 days for them to quickly realize I literally have a switch that shuts off all the wifi access to the entire school. I don’t need forbidden curses. I have more power than any witch or wizard at this school could ever possibly imagine.
If that wasn’t enough to make you fall in LOVE with this Tumblr, Jonathan also has hired a second IT staffer, Emily. Born from one Muggle and one wizard parent, Emily is the perfect one to help the Hogwarts wizards understand Jonathan, and help Jonathan understand the wizards. Plus, she’s an American like Jonathan, so as an Ilvermorny alum she brings the American wizarding culture we’re all SUPER excited to witness in the upcoming Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them movie. She even uses the word No-Maj instead of Muggle (I know, I don’t love No-Maj either, but reading her posts is helping me get used to it).
So what are you waiting for? Check out The Setup Wizard’s Tumblr to see all of the exciting, technological exploits of Jonathan and Emily as they bring Hogwarts into the 21st century. Now if only they could find a way to overcome Gamp’s Law to make the Room of Requirement a secret Starbucks.
What is your favorite IT story from The Setup Wizard? What would be the biggest challenge you think you’d face as Hogwart’s IT guy? Instead of asking, “Have you tried turning it off and back on again”, would Jonathan and Emily ask, “Have you tried Colloportus and Alohomora again?” More importantly: how do you feel about the term No-Maj? Tell me about it in the comments!
Image credit: Karen Roe/Flickr.com