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Tabletop Minis That Make Us Say WTF

Tabletop Minis That Make Us Say WTF

I love quality components, and there’s a ton of games out there that have some incredible miniatures. From concept art to sculpt and production, it’s a golden age if you love toy soldiers in your wargames. Except, of course, when you open a box of miniatures and all you want to do is cringe. Whether it’s questionable design or just a complete lack of pants, here are a few minis that leave me shaking my head.


KINGDOM DEATH: AMMO SLAVE & FIGHTER


ammo-slave-15_1024x1024

Image Credit: Kingdom Death (Fair Use)

When the term miniature porn as described by John Kovalic gets thrown around, it’s a little bit different than the many models of Kingdom Death, which could also be described as mini porn, but in a different way. I mean, if you’re playing a wargame, how useful would a troop looking like this actually be? Kingdom Death is purportedly a game that people play using models like the one above. Or this one, called “Fighter”:

Fighter

Image Credit: Kingdom Death (Fair Use)

Can we just think about what would happen to this outfit if she even swung that axe? Her name implies she fights, but there’s something to be said about practical armour. The feature image above is presumably a similar warrior. I’ve never only worn chains to battle, but I can reasonably say that they’re not providing any support. There is a reason why sports bras exist.

I’ll  be honest: you can very easily plug the words “Kingdom Death Models” into Google, hit “I’m Feeling Lucky” and stumble upon something that will make you shake your head.


RELIC KNIGHTS: TOGAN & CECILIA


RK-SPM146003-Fiametta-and-Togen

Image Credit: Ninja Division (Fair Use) 

There are some really really cool models in the Relic Knight range, but stumbling upon this gem of sexual harassment triggers a special kind of grump in me. I don’t really even know what’s worse: the concept art that shows Togan pinching Cecilia’s butt, or the sculpted model that where he’s grabbing it.

Relic Knights is actually a really fun game, capturing both the best and the worst of anime’s sensibilities and aesthetic. But every time I see this model, I can’t deny that there’s cringing happening.


WARHAMMER/AGE OF SIGMAR: BLOODWRACK MEDUSA


GW Bloockwrack Shrine Medusa

Image Credit: Games Workshop (Fair Use)

The Bloodwrack Medusa is a dynamic model that would otherwise be amazing if not for the awkward sculpting of an agape mouth, ornate armour covering only one breast, and sculpted-on blood that, I assure you, looks especially awkward (and rather filthy) when this model is unpainted.


WRATH OF KINGS: SKORZA SKIRMISHER (FEMALE)


Skorza Skirmisher Female

Image Credit: Cool Mini Or Not (Fair Use) 

When I first got this box, I was excited to see a female werewolf sculpt. Once assembled, the questions then came. Why is she wearing a bra? Is it for modesty? Because if that’s her concern, why is she also wearing a thong and assless chaps? Moreover, why is she wearing a corset? Does she really need to accentuate her womanly curves?

The worst part is that the male counterparts wear less yet somehow seem more dignified.

Skorza Skirmisher Male

Image Credit: Cool Mini Or Not (Fair Use) 

 


INFINITY: LIZARD SQUADRON PILOT (BOOTLEG)


Infinity Bootleg Lizard Squadron Pilot

Image Credit: Corvus Belli (Fair Use)

I get that the Infinty Bootleg models aren’t specifically for playing, as they’re collectors items, but they still baffle me. I’ve said it before, there’s war outside: maybe you should put on pants.  And yes, I have considered the fact that sometimes it can get warm inside a gundam. But if that were the case, shouldn’t the male pilots also be pantless (hint: they are not).

Do you agree? Are sexualized miniatures something to rage about? Let us know in the comments below!

Feature Image Credit: Kingdom Death (Fair Use)

 

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