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Geek & Sundry’s Totally Realistic Official Rules For Discussing ‘The Force Awakens’ For Realz

Geek & Sundry’s Totally Realistic Official Rules For Discussing ‘The Force Awakens’ For Realz

For serious guys. Spoiling Star Wars: The Force Awakens at Geek & Sundry base is punishable by torture, and in extreme circumstances, death. We take this super seriously, guyz. Han blabbed, and look where that got him:

Image credit: Lucasfilm/Disney

To help you avoid the faux pas of spoiling the movie for others, we’re put together a set of rules for discussing The Force Awakens in the safest way possible:

Rule #1: Written consent to participate in The Force Awakens content discussions is mandatory. Forms must be filled out in triplicate, notarized, welded shut into a 3-inch thick steel box, then buried at a minimum 15-foot depth and covered in cement.

Rule #2: The discussion area must be soundproofed, sterilized, and able to resist a four metric-ton blast. Discussion must never be allowed to escape via osmosis through the walls. This is vital.

Rule #3: All participants must undergo mental and physical evaluation to ensure they are capable of discussing The Force Awakens without risk of spontaneous combustion.

Rule #4: Participants shall deposit their respective cell phones in a basket outside the discussion room to avoid accidental butt-dialing. This basket shall then be set on fire so that no communication containing spoilers can breach social media safety barriers.

Rule #5: All participants shall be processed through a thorough decontamination procedure after the discussion to ensure that no spoilers remain on the skin, clothing, or hair. Midi-chlorian levels will be measured before and after the session with e-meters provided by the Church of Scientology.

Rule #6:

Image credit: Columbia Pictures
Featured image credit: Lucasfilm/Disney

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