Few things can inspire more fear and anxiety in a person than dating. We all know it’s tough out there, but the Professors of Love are here to help. There are many aspects of dating to explore: what to look for, where to find someone, how to ask them out, how to behave on a first date, how to deal with rejection, and oh-so-much more! Leave your own questions in the comments, but for now, let’s discuss some general words of advice on dating with our geeky matchmakers, Dino Andrade (SoulGeek.com) and Dina Kampmeyer (Single Geeks in L.A.).
#1: Get out of your own bubble
Dino frequently observes that geeks are often “looking for an idealized clone of themselves”. As geeks, we often get quite obsessed with specific genres or characters, and for many, it can be hard to accept a potential date who isn’t into the exact same things. We create a laundry list of what a partner needs to like/dislike. In dating, it’s important to get out of your bubble and not think of these differences as an indicator of incompatibility, but rather an opportunity to introduce your interests to someone new. They may not end up loving it as much as you do, but as long as you are each respectful about your interests, these differences will end up being irrelevant.
As an example, Dino likes classical music (his wife does not) and his wife likes country music (Dino does not). Each person in the relationship is an individual with different likes and dislikes, and that’s okay. “The fact that we accept this about each other means that we respect one another and that’s key to making it work.”
#2: Know what you want, but don’t go looking for Black Widow or Thor
Geeks are known for their love of fantasy and we are inundated with idealized characters with chiseled physiques and hourglass figures. This begins to affect how we view the world and potential partners. Dino so often sees SoulGeek profiles that state physical requirements like, “must be over 6′ tall” or “must be blond and athletic”. While it is important to know what it is that you want in a partner, narrowing down your search by such specific physical traits can really hinder your dating success. We all deserve someone we’re attracted to, but not opening yourself up to a wide range of people may just stop you from finding that perfect partner.
Most of us aren’t Norse gods or sexy assassins, but rather fully formed and real human beings. In the long-run, you absolutely must find something in common with your partner beyond the physical. Dino’s marriage has held together so well because he and his wife “[are] the best of friends”. Compatible personalites, shared values, and open hearts and minds will always beat chiseled abs in the long run.
#3: If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again
It takes a lot of bravery to put yourself out there and be vulnerable enough to date. Know that you may not find your perfect match the first time, or the second time, or even the tenth. Be patient, be open, and don’t give up. Dating can be a great time to discover something new about yourself. Think of it as an opportunity to learn more about what you want (and don’t want) in a partner, to learn about some new things, and to meet some cool people.
Not every match will be right for you and not everyone that you find intriguing will be available or interested. Dino finds that the most successful people on SoulGeek are “those who made an effort. They didn’t just put up a profile and then never took the time to communicate with people.” Dating takes a focused effort, an open mind, and persistence.
In honor of Valentine’s Day, our Professors of Love will be answering some of your own dating questions from the comment section below or via Facebook comments. Best of luck out there and we hope to hear from you soon!
Meet Our Professors of Love:
Dino Andrade is a voice-over actor and the founder of SoulGeek.com, a dating website catering to the geek community. Dino also hosts bimonthly mixers in Van Nuys, CA. SoulGeek has had much success with many a successful marriage and even experienced their first SoulGeek baby recently.
Image Credit: DinoAndrade.com
Image Credit: The Geekie Awards
Featured Image Credit: Jay’s Brick Blog