Well, who wouldn’t want in on this fight? After polling fans, Nintendo has expanded Super Smash Bros‘ roster even wider, adding Corrin (from Fire Emblem), and bringing in guests Bayonetta and Cloud. These challengers are coming with their own stages, and a new bunch of new Mii skins will also let brawlers dress up as characters like Tails and Knuckles.
While it’s cool to see Nintendo and its rivals embrace such cooperation-through-combat, it’s hard to look at these add-ons without some disappointment. We all know popularity polls don’t work. The masses don’t always know what they really want. If only non-Nintendo could’ve picked third-party guests who were less obvious, but far more fitting?
Heihachi from Tekken
We need at least one more fighter whose dourness looks hysterically out-of-place beside Jigglypuff. Like, even more so than Solid Snake. This evil karate master/business tycoon already filled that roll quite sharply in Playstation All-Stars, leaning more Dick Dastardly. Maybe he can match moves with Ryu, but his willingness to strap cute characters to a rocket and fire them into orbit truly justifies his inclusion.
Vault Boy from Fallout
The same creativity that turned Mr. Game & Watch into a formidable fighter could craft a versatile threat out of the nuclear wasteland’s favorite safety mascot. Added delight could come from this innocuous-looking fella suddenly whipping out some big friggin’ guns from Fallout‘s exhaustive arsenal. Put him against Mega Man, and we already know who’s outgunned. Plus, he’s already got the perfect win pose ready.
Tony Tony Chopper from One Piece
There have been enough Pirate Warriors installments, by now. Chopper totally counts as video game character. And he hits both sides of Smash Bros‘ particular dynamic at once, too. At first, he’s such a cuddly critter, you’d think he popped right out of a PokeBall. But when he starts doping–watch out! That’s when the all-screen hulked-out rampages start, switching the match up at the drop of a red, felt top hat.
Bonk from Bonk’s Adventure
Remember Bonk? He’s the baby neanderthal with the thick skull. Bonk’s Adventure was a fav on the original Game Boy–an underrated gem from the classic era of platformers like Super Mario Bros. So, it’s about time this cantankerous caveman child got to butt heads with a certain plumber. Plus, him spearing through his opponents like so many clueless, evil dinos is just a gimme for a special move.
The Angry Birds
As in, all the Angry Birds. It’s easy to imagine a tag-team gimmick (similar to the Ice Climbers, perhaps) where Red, Bomb, and Chuck alternate attacks depending who’s needed. And the sprawling, layered platforms of most Smash Bros‘ stages work just like the levels in this app. Just picture the long-range projectile mayhem of thwacking Pit with big, old Terence from all the way across the screen?
Those are our picks for the third party fighters who’d finally make Smash Bros‘ line-up whole. But perhaps you disagree. Let us know down in the talkback–what button mashin’ brawlers would you prefer?
Featured Image Credit: Nintendo